bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
