Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
