I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Operation Purity has been aborted
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
