I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
