I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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