She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you inspire me to be a worse person
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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