from now on my penis is your penis
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
