Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
