I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
two words...techno handjob
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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