I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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