I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
