I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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