if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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