Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
