Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize