My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
