I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
