How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
