Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
