just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
