dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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