wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
