Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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