Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
