Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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