My first STD was from a foam party
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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