I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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