I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
