My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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