8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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