i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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