Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
