Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
