im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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