I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
