oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
