Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
