Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
