had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
