I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
did you just send me my own nude
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
