WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
