Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just found puke in my bra..
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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