so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
