dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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