Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
