You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
