He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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