im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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