meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
