I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
