last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
