I'm jealous of your bromance
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
