Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
