Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
