so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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