Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
