you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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