I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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