If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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