im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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