They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
