respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
