if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
