Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize