if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize