New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
