peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
