he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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