do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
