I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
