um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize