Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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