whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
cat food counts as protein by the way
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
