so that wasnt chicken after all
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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