how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
farters have to be the big spoon...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
