I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize