I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
