I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
